I AM NOT CRAZY PART II: Why isn’t it their fault?

We know that some events out of our control can trigger the anxiety/depression effect. That is fact we can’t deny and doctor approved.

What about people causing other people to “lose it”? On purpose or not. Some of us are hyper-sensitive, emotional and can only be heart in soul in what they believe in, never half of it. Those kind of person tend to be taken for granted and played by their loved ones as they know they will just stay no matter what and keep cherishing them. Their love is so strong they are almost blinded, and this is where the danger can show up.

I am one of those. As much as a bad temper I can have, as much I am weak, hyper-sensitive and can only be 110% into things I believe in. And yes, people took advantage of it. A lot. They still do today. People like us get pushed and pushed as we try to understand what did wrong. Like the little dog that was beaten, we come back to the one that we think love us, and will keep coming back until we have found the power to bite back. I have found the power 2 times: One after 2 years, since he was also abusive (Assault), and the other one after 7 years. How much time i’ll last next time? I don’t know.

People in this situation are out of solutions and they think they are the problem. Why would it be us the problem and that should see the doctor when the problem is the person whose abusive, a player, a liar and give only a shit about it’s own little mind? So we go in therapy (if the system didn’t let you down) and we are put pills to try to have control on our anxiety, depression, control on us. Pills that doesn’t even work anymore for me at the point I am right now (30mg Paxil), or last for a few hours and can only be taken only in case of crisis (Ativan 1mg but I have to take two to have an effect). So what is the next step? Xanax?

You don’t think that people can make us slip off the edge, eh? See it this way. Bullies. Bullies as we know don’t only gives the physical treatment, but psychological as well. Pushing enough their victims that they will commit suicide to end the bullying and the mental suffering. Abused women. Those who are in a violent relationship. This would be the extreme version of what I was talking about. Some of them only saw one way to get out of it….

In all cases, it seems that whatever we do, we fall back in the same situation, different person. We get out, we get right back in without even thinking of it, a vicious circle. And there’s nothing doctor or pills can do about it. So we are pushed to the edge, with millions of questions in our heads, and wondering how we can end this cycle once and for all, what would be the ultimate solution? We all thought about that one…. But only a few of us were courageous enough to do it and without thinking about the last person that pushed them to this point “I cannot do it, for him”. Some others fall into addictions: Alcohol, pills, drugs… A certain way to shut off the mind and ease the pain, a way to die slowly.

Science have played with the brains of millions of people trying to solve mental illnesses, people that are at the end of the rope, people with depressions, people that cannot sleep, overly anxious people, people with xenophobia, addicted people…. I suggest science to start collecting brains from the ones who can’t stop hurting them. Or find a way they can feel the hurt they are doing, so they can understand that mental illness and that the “Mal de Vivre” is a true thing.

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