I AM NOT CRAZY PART III: Anyone ever heard of BPD?

A video made by a girl named Kira Hollis is circulating through Facebook and the net right now. Since it was tagged as a video on mental disorders and being HALF diagnosed, I decided to watch it. As the video played, tears starting to flow, some light came through the dark. I jumped on Google to search: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).  Could this be it?

We all hear about the same disorders and illnesses, those who are easy to diagnosed: Depression and anxiety. Beside the movie “Girl, Interrupted“, which I will recommend if you haven’t seen it yet, I had never heard the name BPD. Going through the video and the articles, I could just relate, except one “symptom”, or more of a behavior aspect. Did the “home test” on the reference website: scored severe (36).

Some will think that I shouldn’t put my problems on a blog, but I need to share since there is so much passing through health systems, so much people with troubled minds, and so little people capable of dealing with an afflicted loved one… I know how it feels to be alone in an empty mind, raging, crying, any little concerns bursting something in your brain and you lose it, having no one brave enough to hold your hand through this: everyone afflicted needs to know they are not alone, and those who knows one who is afflicted should know about what it is. And it’s good for all three: Depression, anxiety disorder and BPD. Also to say I am sorry to some..

Recently I have experienced how it can be hard for others, scary to be with me, someone has put the cards on the table for the first time in my life… Got on the edge of losing someone I adore and hang on to for my disorder because I am “out of control”, able to go through a list of 10 emotions in 5 minutes. And this was before I knew about BPD. Now I think all the way back and I put 2 & 2 together, the possible causes, my life, me… Even right now, writing those lines without crying is hard. I have BPD. Probably since I was 16.

Just knowing this, I see a small light and it feels good. The person I love is still with me and it feels good. A very little number of friends are still there, and it feels good.

Do your searches, surround yourself with the ones that love you no matter what, do what makes you happy, gather all the little positive together.

Now to be officially diagnosed… damn Qc health system, may take awhile…

light-at-the-end-of-a-tunnel

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