Terrified.

Past experiences, mental disorder… I am terrified of things and not of others. Sometimes wish I could disappear when my body and mind reacts, but I resist because I want to feel this good feeling I can have sometimes, craving it. I like those poems I have found, dark but it’s only the truth, it can make us see the dark… See what we can see, feel what we can feel.. maybe some will understand…
Terrified.

Out for help I cry
My screams making no sound
Imagining a way to die
The blood in my ears pound

Resentful is how I’d describe
The way I feel about my life
Thrown at me with no second glance
Not wanted, nor asked for this chance

Yet here am I
Then, what, is being
Stare with dead eyes
But truly seeing.

********

I’m Terrified.

I‘m terrified of being close to you.
Your smile.
Your laugh.
Your hugs.
They scare me.
Because it’s too right.
I’m terrified,
of loving you.
Because I don’t want the hurt.
Of you leaving me.
Like others have.
I’m neurotic.
Impatient.
Moody.
I’m a mess.
You don’t want me.
I’m terrified.

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