I have realized something in the past year, even more recently. Something that I think I knew but never really saw it as a need. When I was well, I had a few relationships. Relationships I took seriously (2 years, 7 years and 8 years.) and of course “teenage loves”.
I had my share of being played, cheated, assaulted and taken for granted. I ended them quickly, with no looking back. I was my own person, could take care of myself and was so strong. But with my last shitty relationship, and me falling hard like I never did before for a man, it hit me like a tons of bricks. As I am battling to get a normal life again and fighting depression, I realized I cannot go without it. I am not a heartless, I am not a “I don’t need no one” girl. I am like everyone: I want and need to be loved.
Have you ever realized how it can be calming and fill your heart with so much happiness when the person that you love takes you in their arms and hugs you, when you cuddle and snuggle? Seriously, do it, for ONE hug with your loved one, stop, take your time and feel it. Take these feelings in, it’s intoxicating, it’s beyond that well-being feeling. I have just realized it in the past year. Seriously.
Some will take that kiss and hug for granted after a while. And here, I do not talk about mother/child love, friendship love, but that special someone that makes your heart beat louder, that makes you see the world more beautiful than before, that one person you think about all the time. We are all human beings, we all “feel”, we all have weaknesses, we are all in a world that can be cruel, filled with hardships and with people that will hurt us with no remorse, we all need to be special to someone other than mom. Who ever you are, no matter how invincible you think you are.
Love. It’s more powerful than I would ever thought before. I realized I never been really (well) loved. And today, I am craving it. I am craving this man that was there for me lately, that for the first time, I am unable to see my life without. And I am not craving sex, I am craving the feeling of being loved. Craving his arms. It’s amazing to me to feel all this. But I don’t want to make this post all personal. So my message here would be to those that are unable to let someone “in”, whether you’ve been hurt in the past, cheated, beaten, played, betrayed…. love is an amazing thing once you have found it, mostly when you have that ” I think something brought me to that person for a reason” feeling, even if it’s not “perfect” yet but you can’t let go. It makes life worth. But don’t forget that this love cannot be found with a simple spell, it can take time and lots of heartaches. And believe me, right now, even if it’s difficult and not entirely what I need right now due to my health and our past, I am happy that a year ago, I decided to give my heart a chance to love again, as I have now a wonderful man that is able to make my day and myself, feel amazing.